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Morgan’s Query Corner:

Answering Your Query Quandaries

GLASS is a YA fantasy. This Cinderella retelling begins after the ball. The glass-maker’s niece and a reformed playboy prince plot to end their engagement is paused when a plague starts sweeping the nation.

Overall Impression:

• Start with ‘Dear’, end with ‘Thank you for your time and consideration.’
• Cut down on some of the backstory
• Your query is actually a bit short! Not too short, agents don’t mind you getting straight to the point. BUT, you do have space if you want to expand upon that disease and the prince’s past (any children?) if you’d like
• Does Charles end up with Collin? Does Sabine? If not, he’s only mentioned once in the query and should be either cut or expanded upon.

Original:

Hello _________,  [‘Dear’ is usually expected]

Based on your interest in _________, I would like to introduce my Cinderella re-telling: Glass. It is an 87,000-word young adult fantasy novel. Glass looks at the ending of Cinderella, and turns it into a story not about love at first sight, but the power of politics and friendship. [You don’t need to say what the story is about, the query should explain it]

Glass, begins after the ball. Sabine grew up in the shadow of the castle, but she never dreamed of royalty. She doesn’t even bother herself with the rumors surrounding Prince Charles’ true love. All she wants is to somehow find a loophole in the law that keeps her from inheriting her uncle’s glass shop. [I read this twice, at 1st thinking she did NOT want to inherit the shop] But a pair of hand-made glass shoes and a rumor of true love accidently plunges Sabine into the world of castle politics. Thrown into an engagement that neither of them wants Sabine and the prince, along with Charles’ childhood friend Collin, attempt to prove that Charles is no longer a playboy who needs to be tied down, but a leader who is respected by his people. But, as an unexplained disease threatens the country, loyalties are questioned, and the prince’s less than stellar past comes to light, the attempt to get out of the marriage and the state of the country looks bleak.

I attended [X] University and graduated with a BA in English with a Creative Writing emphasis. I currently work as a high school English and Creative Writing teacher in [X], [State]. Thank you for taking the time to read this expert from Glass, and I would be delighted to send you the completed manuscript if you request more. [The QueryShark claims this is presumptuous and suggests just saying “thank you for your time and consideration”.]

Q12

The Revised Query:

With a few tweaks, the plot really shines through! Decide if you need to add a sentence about that best friend and…

Best of luck to Q12!

And for the rest of you out there?
Best of luck in the query trenches!