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Morgan’s Query Corner:

Answering Your Query Quandaries

I NEVER FORGOT YOU is family saga, set in Ireland.

When Una’s childhood best friend, Cullen, puts an appeal out on TV to find her, she learns her sister is dying–and dating him. Only, Una never told anyone that Cullen is the father of the babe she bore out of wedlock.

Overall Impression:

My Original, After Reading Synopsis:

Dear_____,

In 1983 rural Ireland, a pregnant Una runs away from home, before her mother can force her to give her baby up for adoption. Determined not to ruin her best friend’s future, Una disappears without telling Collin why.

In Dublin, the local vicar finds Una a home with the couple that runs the local leather shop. Meanwhile, Collin falls in love with Una’s little sister, Ellie. The engaged couple’s happiness is broken when Ellie is diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer. Desperate to introduce his best friend to the love-of-his-life before it’s too late, Collin’s television plea reaches Una. Una and Ellie reconnect, but Una skips the funeral, unable to face her mother.

When the sister-in-law of Una’s adoptive parents sues to take the shop away, Una turns to Collin for help. With his close proximity, Una breaks down and admits the truth to Collin. Collin must decide whether he can forgive Una for her lies, and what sort of relationship to build with his son.

[Insert stats/bio here]

Sincerely,

Q17

Her First Attempt With Agent Feedback:

I wasn’t happy with my first draft, and I slept on it. And the next day, I came back with this.

My Second Version

Dear [Agent],

When seventeen-year-old Una Gallaher’s mother demands she give her unborn shame to the nuns, Una refuses. Determined not to ruin two lives, she runs away to Dublin, without telling Cullen, the child’s father.

Now, five year’s later, the life Una’s built is at risk. The shop owners who took her in are being threatened with eviction. If she can’t find a way to stop the eviction, she’s going to lose her home, her job, and her new family.

Cullen was angry and confused when his best-friend left town without saying a word. Years later, he reconnects with Una’s little sister, Ellie, and they bond over more than just memories of Una. Their happiness is destroyed when Ellie is diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer. Cullen reaches out to the local television station, putting out a heart-felt plea so that his love can say goodbye to her sister, before it’s too late.

Beginning in 1983, rural Ireland, TITLE is complete at X,000 words. [Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Q17

And with a few tweaks of their own, the queryest made it their own:

Dear Agent,

In 1983 in rural Ireland, Una Gallaher’s mam demanded that she give her unborn child up to the nuns for adoption. So she ran away, without telling the boy’s father, Cullen, about her pregnancy, because she didn’t want to ruin his life.

Now, five years later, the new life Una’s built in Dublin is at risk. The shop owners who took her in are facing an eviction, and if she can’t find a way to stop it, she’ll lose her home, her job, and her new family.

Cullen was, and still is, angry and confused about his best friend leaving town without a word; but years later, he reconnected with Una’s younger sister, Ellie, and fell hopelessly in love. Their happiness and future plans, however, are almost destroyed when Ellie is diagnosed with stage 4 skin cancer.

Cullen sends out a heartfelt plea on Ireland’s main TV station so that the girl he adores can say goodbye to her older sister before it’s too late. But Una has spent five years running from Cullen, and now that life is crashing down around her, she’s not sure she knows how to stop.

I NEVER FORGOT YOU is a family saga, complete at X words. The Almost Sisters meets The Secret Life of Bees in this family saga of sacrifice, courage, and the tragedy of pride that follows three people tied by blood but driven apart by secrets and a life-threatening illness.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Q17

Well? What did you think of the revisions? Better or worse each time?

And for the rest of you out there?
Best of luck in the query trenches!