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Morgan’s Query Corner:
Fresh Eyes For Your Query Quandaries
WHEN DREAMS COLLIDE is an adult contemporary romance with hints of magical realism.
Awakened from a coma, Josh Michaels learns his beloved wife was a dream. Meanwhile, Maggie Forsett dreams of a better life–and her dream lover. Then they’re drawn together in real life. Can reality ever match a dream?
NOTE: If you submit your query to me (morgan.s.hazelwood@gmail.com), and you are selected for inclusion, I will give you a high-level review, in-line feedback, and my own draft of your query. If this is your query, feel free to use or ignore as much of the advice and suggestions as you wish.
[Disclaimer: Any query selected for the page will be posted on this website for perpetuity. I am an amateur with no actual accepted queries and a good number of form rejections. This does not guarantee an agent or even an amazing query, just a new take by someone who’s read The Query Shark archives twice and enjoys playing with queries.]
Overall Impression:
WHEN DREAMS COLLIDE sounds like a sweet romance with some of the genre’s favorite tropes — comas, dreams, meant-to-be.
Some agents like a tagline first, so I’m going to leave that in here. Good job showing both character’s points-of-view and showing what they want.
A couple of things to think about:
- Give details – keeping things vague show how you’re like all the other romances, details show how you’re different
- Try to tell each character’s paragraph in their voice, but keep it in the 3rd person present tense.
Querist’s Original:
Dear [Mr./Ms. Agent Name Here],
Legend has it that the inability to sleep at night directly correlates to being awake in someone else’s dream.
Josh Michaels sleeps as soundly as ever; so soundly, he doesn’t know he’s dreaming. When a car accident sends him into a recuperative coma, he inadvertently dreams a life that doesn’t exist. He meets and falls in love with a woman who captures his heart and enraptures his soul. [Lots of telling, not much showing.] Waking from a coma comes with the gripping realization that what he thought was the last two years of his life was a lie.
Meanwhile, sleep is elusive to Maggie Forsett. Her world has been thrown off its axis since her father suffered from his second stroke, leading to his inevitable death. In evaluating her life and who she has become, she begins to question everything and sends her world into turmoil as her relationship suffers. Struggling with grief, along with prioritizing the things important to her, she knows her journey is better alone. [This is a bit of stereotype. You don’t need to describe it so much.] She finds solace in dreaming and the help of a nameless stranger that appears at night, helping her find herself after having lost sight of who she is.
Josh has been ripped apart by the pain of waking from his dream. Maggie longs for nothing more than the man in hers to be a reality. A chance meeting could bring them together or bring their worlds crashing down around them.
WHEN DREAMS COLLIDE is an adult contemporary romance with hints of magical realism complete at 88,000 words.
I write from my home in [X].
Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
Q26
My Revision:
Dear Agent,
Legend has it that when you can’t sleep, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.
When a car accident sends Josh Michaels into a recuperative coma, he inadvertently dreams a life that doesn’t exist. He meets and falls in love with a woman who captures his heart and enraptures his soul. Waking from a coma comes with the gripping realization that what he thought was the last two years of his life was a lie.
Meanwhile, Maggie Forsett’s become an insomniac as she spends her non-working hours at her father’s bedside after his second stroke. After he passes, she’s left struggling with grief and determined to prioritize the things important to her. Her boyfriend doesn’t make the cut. But, in the quiet of the night, Maggie dreams of a stranger and the life she wants.
Josh has been ripped apart by the pain of waking from his dream. Maggie longs for nothing more than the man in hers to be a reality. When their dream-memories draw them together in real life, each must decide if they’re willing to take a chance on a familiar stranger or forget the dreams and continue rebuilding their lives, apart.
WHEN DREAMS COLLIDE is an adult contemporary romance with hints of magical realism complete at 88,000 words.
I write from my home in [City], [State]. [Etc.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours Sincerely,
Q26
***
The querist sent off their edited query, but followed up and shared the sent version:
Dear Agent,
Legend has it that when you can’t sleep, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.
Josh Michaels sleeps as soundly as ever; so soundly, he doesn’t know he’s dreaming. When a car accident sends him into a recuperative coma, he inadvertently dreams a life that doesn’t exist. He meets and falls in love with a woman who captures his heart and enraptures his soul. Waking from a coma comes with the gripping realization that what he thought was the last two years of his life was a lie.
Meanwhile, Maggie Forsett has become an insomniac as she spends her non-working hours at her father’s bedside following his second stroke. After he passes, she’s left struggling with grief and determined to prioritize the things important to her. Her recently strained relationship with her boyfriend comes to an end. But, in the quiet of the night, Maggie dreams of a stranger and the life she wants.
Josh has been ripped apart by the pain of waking from his dream. Maggie longs for nothing more than the man in hers to be a reality. When their dream-memories draw them together in real life, each must decide if they’re willing to take a chance on a familiar stranger or forget the dreams and continue rebuilding their lives, apart.
WHEN DREAMS COLLIDE is an adult contemporary romance with hints of magical realism complete at 88,000 words.
Yours Sincerely,
Q26
A great sounding romance with a sweet twist!
Best of luck to Q26!
And for the rest of you out there?
Best of luck in the query trenches!
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