Welcome to:
Morgan’s Query Corner:
Fresh eyes for your query quandaries.
LIFE FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE: FROM SOCCER MOM TO ADDICT AND HOME AGAIN is a memoir about a life torn apart, lost, then picking up the pieces.
NOTE: If you submit your query to me (morgan.s.hazelwood@gmail.com), and you are selected for inclusion, I will give you a high-level review, in-line feedback, and my own draft of your query. If this is your query, feel free to use or ignore as much of the advice and suggestions as you wish.
[Disclaimer: Any query selected for the page will be posted on this website for perpetuity. I am an amateur with no actual accepted queries and a good number of form rejections. This does not guarantee an agent or even an amazing query, just a new take by someone who’s read The Query Shark archives twice and enjoys playing with queries.]
Overall Impression:
Life From The Opposite Side sounds like a very personal, but fascinating journey. The initial query read a lot like a blurb though — lots of trope phrases, few details. My suggestions:
- For queries, plot matters! Avoid high level descriptions-instead, be specific when detailing decision points.
- Make sure to vary your sentence structure
- Personally, if I don’t have a personal connection to the agent, I don’t try and stretch for one, or state the obvious (i.e. My genre is on your wish list) and just skip that portion. But some agents really do like it, so that part is up to your discretion.
Queryist’s Original:
Dear AGENT,
When Glenna’s 15-year marriage crumbles in a single night (why?), she is forced to rebuild her life from scratch with her two young sons. When she meets Micah on a dating website, (don’t start 2 sentences in a row the same way) she becomes trapped in a world of drug addiction, mental illness, gaslighting, and domestic abuse. Will Glenna find the strength to get away before she loses everything she holds dear? (Very TV guide, little feel for the voice of the story)
Life From The Opposite Side: From Soccer Mom To Addict And Home Again is a memoir complete at 65k words. I’ve previously been published by [PLACE A] as well as [PLACE B] and [PLACE C].
[Paragraph about why I picked this particular agent and how I know him/her.]
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Q31
My Revision:
Dear AGENT,
When Glenna catches her husband (cheating on her/discovers he’s gambled away their life savings/abusing her for the last time? Or is he the one who abandons her?), she finds herself at the end of a 15-year marriage, and is forced to rebuild her life from scratch with her two young sons. Wanting to feel wanted, she joins a dating website, where she meets Micah.
Glenna is swept away by Micah’s charm and in her eagerness to prove herself worthy, doesn’t walk away when he offers her drugs. As he drags her down into a world of drug addiction, mental illness, gaslighting, and domestic abuse, Glenna begins to lose herself. Glenna must find the strength to get away before she destroys her own life, and that of her sons (or lose them to CPS? her ex? to drugs themselves??).
Life From The Opposite Side: From Soccer Mom To Addict And Home Again is a memoir complete at 65k words. I’ve previously been published by [PLACE A] as well as [PLACE B] and [PLACE C].
[Paragraph about why I picked this particular agent and how I know him/her.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Q31
The queryist was pleased with my suggestions and after another round of revisions, here’s the final (for now at least) draft.
The Final Query:
Dear AGENT,
When Glenna catches her husband cheating with a younger woman, she finds herself at the end of a 15-year marriage and is forced to rebuild her life from scratch with her two young sons. Wanting to feel loved again, she joins a dating website, where she meets Micah.
Glenna is swept away by Micah’s charm, and in her eagerness to prove herself worthy, doesn’t walk away when he offers her drugs. As he drags her down into a world of addiction, mental illness, gaslighting, and domestic abuse, Glenna loses her way and everything she holds dear. Glenna must find the strength to get away before she destroys her own life and the lives of her children.
Life From The Opposite Side: From Soccer Mom To Addict And Home Again is a memoir complete at 65k words. I’ve previously been published by [PLACE A] as well as [PLACE B] and [PLACE C].
[Paragraph about why I picked this particular agent and how I know him/her.]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Q31
It sounds like Queryist 31 has come a long way. Thanks to her for sharing her very personal story, of both her downfall and her growth. Best wishes in the query trenches!
And for the rest of you out there?
Best of luck in the query trenches!
WRITING TIPS & WRITERLY MUSINGS 
I was thrilled with Morgan’s suggestions and how much better my query worked after I took her advice. I feel much more confident sending out my queries now. She’s amazing!
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I hope the best for you!
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Much better now. I wonder if the title is too long. Could it do without the first part, which didn’t really tell me anything? Other possible concern: is “from scratch” cliche? Could the sentence read just as well without those two words?
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Maybe!
Memoirs often have titles and subtitles. In this case, the title is more esoteric, whereas the subtitle gives you the basic plot. It’s helpful for deciding to read it, but not an amazing title. Lord of The Rings would have been less compelling, I feel, if it was “The Journey of One Hobbit To Melt a Ring in a Volcano, and His Friends”
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