Every year, I start to get nervous that last time was a fluke and I’ve lost the magic. While I know I’ve done it before, and should be able to do it again, it doesn’t stop the nerves…

NaNoWriMo is coming!

NaNoWriMo is coming.
NaNoWriMo, that month when I write fifty-thousand words!
Churning out nearly six pages a day
Creating histories, religions, whole new worlds,
Meeting my characters and helping them reach their dreams against all obstacles
I know I can do it. I’ve done it before.
I’ve won NaNoWriMo Eight times!
*buffs nails*

But.

How many of those novels are shelved?
How many of them had to be re-written
– or started over from scratch?
What if the voice that I’ve chosen is wrong for this year’s story?
How can I tell if this year’s story has finished percolating and is ready
To
Be
Written?

NaNoWriMo is coming.
What does winning even mean?
It’s not the end of a story.
Two hundred pages aren’t a full novel these days, they’re just a good start.
And no novel of mine has ever seen the light of day.
I’m still wishing and hoping
and 🎶thinkin’ and prayin’
🎶 plannin’ and dreamin’ 
and querying for an agent,
a publisher,
a thriving community of fans who eagerly await
My
Next
Book.

NaNoWriMo is coming
Friends of mine have gotten the agent,
gotten the publisher, 
gotten their book out into the cold, uncaring world, and… done well enough.
Friends of mine have gone indie, 
publishing their novels themselves
Living that hustle life, where book sales are counting in the tens —
or maybe just the onesie-twosies.
Friends of mine have gotten agents, had their books submitted
Then, after the resounding chirps from publishers?
Quietly
Been
Dropped.

NaNoWriMo is coming.
NaNoWriMo, that month when I Somehow manage to write fifty-thousand words
and hope that most of those six pages a day don’t
Utterly
Suck.
That I won’t need to start over five-thousand words in,
twenty thousand words in
But hey, I’ll just start a new page, 
and use the old words to count toward my tally.
In a game where only word count matters, not word quality.
Because we all know:
🎤You Can’t Edit A Blank Page.

NaNoWriMo is coming.
Some writers are out there cranking out 5 thousand, 10 thousand,
20 thousand words in a single weekend
Writing so fast my fingers cramp just thinking about it.
Me? I get my words out a couple hundred at a time — on the good days
A couple dozen at a time on the bad days
and a couple-
at a time on the really bad days.
Not letting myself sleep until I hit that target.
Sixteen hundred and sixty-seven words each day.
Just enough to
Not
Fall
Behind.

NaNoWriMo is coming.
I’ll sprint forward, heads down twenty-two minutes at a time,
Because word sprints work for me
And twenty-two minutes in the year twenty twenty-two amuses me
And you’ve gotta amuse yourself, gotta keep your focus
Day after day after day
If you wanna hit that tally, you’ve gotta get that
Butt
In
Chair.

NaNoWriMo is coming.
I’m helping my characters reach their dreams,
But when is it my turn to succeed against all these BLEEPING odds?

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I know NaNo’s not for everyone, but for those of you who are in, is anyone else getting nervous?