Rejections Happen – Tips from CapClave 2023

The life of a writer involves hearing many variations of the word “no.” Rejection comes with the territory but that does not make it easier to experience. Let’s discuss coping with rejection, how to continue writing through them, and what you can learn from receiving a no. Here are more notes from my CapClave 2023.

The panelists for the titular panel were: A.T. Greenblatt, R. Z. Held, and Nate Hoffelder, the panel was moderated by Scott Edelman.

First Rejection Stories:

No matter how long you’ve been writing, every writer remembers their first rejection. The panelists shared theirs:

• Scott Edelman’s first rejection took 3 days — back in the days of snail mail. It was so quick, at first he thought he’d mixed up the addressee and sender addresses.
• Rhiannon Held was at a writer conference and had her best poker face on while getting her writing critiqued — afterward, she was told that her face was a lot more expressive than she’d thought.
• A.T. Greenblatt was impatient, so she found an place with a 24 hour turn around and sent her writing off. No matter the speed though, it still hurt.

Things that can help you go on:

Every writer is different, and things that can help one week might just pour salt on the wound the next. But, here are some things to try:

• a long walk while contemplating ways to engage or get more feedback (from others)
• taking a writing class — make sure your skills are up to snuff, and prepares you for rejection
• for some, especially early in your career, there are craft skills you can learn and improve: dialogue, pacing, description, action, etc.
• have the next market lined up, so you’re ready to send when you get that rejection
• be “stubborn like a fox”, if you hit a wall, don’t just bash it, figure out how you can go over, under, around, or coax your way past it!
• Find a hobby/distraction that takes effort – but can be finished. Knitting, baking, etc. Something that is NOT a side hustle.
• Pick a number, every X rejections, treat yourself!
• Remember that you are not your manuscript.
• Find joy outside of publishing! Now, if the process of writing brings you joy, embrace it! But, for most of us, that feeling of satisfaction is counterbalanced by the goal of taking it to the next stage (publishing, awards, etc)
• If they gave you feedback, do a gut check. If it matches the story you wanted to tell, or you feel it would make the story better? Go for it! Otherwise, move on.

How to handle impostor syndrome!

There are magazines, and anthologies, and agents with all these award-winning authors, why would I get a second look? Well, that’s where we all started. And? Award-winning authors get rejections, too. All their name usually gets them is a second look.

Rejections that hit hard:

Some writers find form rejections hit harder — because they weren’t even close, while others find that personalized rejections hit the worst, because they were so close. But, either way, there are some rejections that stick with you. From the panelists:

• The “Rejection Ipsom”: where they put in so much sympathy language and take far more page than they need to, just to say “not my cup of tea”
• The Tepid Rejection: where the ‘no’ is so softened, it takes multiple re-reads to figure out they were saying “no”
• The Tiered Rejection: where they send you a note to say you’re still under consideration, and THEN reject you. Hope can be more crushing than silence.
• The Almost-There Rejection: where they tell you “they love the ending, but can’t figure out how to fix the start”, or vice versa.

How To Resist Responding To The Editor/Agent:

Obviously, you’re sending out your best work and agents or publishers would be lucky to get their hands on it. Or maybe, if they could just tell you what you did wrong, you could fix it! Unfortunately, most agents and publishers don’t have time to give you a critique, and telling them they were wrong for not buying your story isn’t going to win you friends. Here are some ways to resist responding:

• rant to friends/family — but not in public spaces (IRL or virtual)
  • Some ranting friends join in “those jerks! They don’t deserve your book”
  • Some ranting friends give advice, “you know, they had a point, have you tried…”
• contemplate what would actually happen if you send a note telling them they’re wrong, do you actually think they’d change their minds?
• write it, but DO NOT SEND IT!

Eventually, most writers outgrow the urge. On good days.

Do Agents/Editors Remember Writers?

Querying often feels like shouting into a void, with rejections given with hardly any thought at all. With all the submissions, surely they don’t remember me?

Well, Joshua Bilmes talks about Brandon Sanderson querying him. Joshua liked Brandon’s writing, but thought the plots weren’t quite there. And Brandon kept submitting, and getting closer, and kept submitting, until Joshua decided he knew how to fix the plot on this one.

A.T. Greenblatt was at ReaderCon and had 2 separate editors come up to her and told her that she was getting close.

Agents and Editors who think you’re getting close, who recognize your name, often will give your stuff a second look. Read a few more pages. You just need to keep at it.

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What are your coping mechanism for rejection?
What rejection really stuck with you?