Writer’s Fears: What Am I Doing?

Morgan Hazelwood, , ,

The kickoff of this year’s National Novel Writing Month — NaNoWriMo 2023 – marks the end of my 10th year of writing. I’m getting ready to start a new manuscript. And as always, the fears creep in.

Do I even know what I’m doing?

I’m not published

So, I’ve got to ask myself:

  • Why aren’t I published?
  • Am I not querying hard enough?
  • Is the market just not looking for what I write?
  • Is my writing not good enough?
  • Is fear the only thing keeping me from trying — and succeeding — with small press or indie publishing?

Maybe all of the above.

Then again, I do have one published short story out there, from 2022, maybe I just need to put myself out there more.

Maybe, I’m the only thing holding me back.

But, can I even write?

My last story is a mangled mess. I haven’t touched it since last November, because it went off the rails.

  • Does this mean my writing skills have regressed?
  • What if I can’t figure out how to fix it?
  • What’s going to stop this year’s NaNoWriMo project from turning out just as bad?
  • What if I’m just writing to say I’m a writer, rather than because I find the story and world compelling — rather than to tell a good story?

My fears about my skills and my motivations feed on each other.

But, while fear can be helpful — it can push you to work on your skills, to put your work out there, to become a better storyteller — it can also hold you back.

Fear is the mind killer.

I know, Dune quotes are overdone, but they’re not wrong.

It’s time to remind myself, I spent this year taking a manuscript through multiple rounds of edits, before launching it to query trenches in September. A manuscript that also went off the rails, but when I re-wrote it, managed to salvage over half of the words, and created the story I’m most proud of so far.

Last year’s project might be equally salvageable.

It’s time to stop dwelling on past issues and pay attention to my new story. Fear isn’t going to get my manuscript drafted. Fear isn’t going to grow my writing skills. Fear isn’t going to get my work out there.

A writer needs skill, persistence, and luck. All I can do is work on my craft, keep at it, and hope for the right timing.

Do you ever worry about your writing skills? Your writing motivations?
How do you reassure yourself that there is an audience outside of yourself for your story?

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Published by Morgan Hazelwood

Morgan Hazelwood (she/her) is a fantasy novelist who blogs and vlogs writing tips and writerly musings. She likes taking pictures of the sky, reading a good book, and ambiverting from her living room. She's also a voice for the fairy-tale audio drama: Anansi Storytime and its sister podcast: Legendsmith. She's been known to procrasti-clean her whole house and alphabetize other people's bookshelves.

5 Comments

  1. The words you write are the one thing in the world you have and will ever have that belong totally and completely to you alone. That, in itself, is enough to be proud of. For me, the solution came when I stopped worrying about money, and success, and pleasing other people. None of those things mean anything in the scheme of history. What matters is that you have stories you want to tell, and this is as good a time as any to tell them. We’re listening.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love it, Morgan. The “questions” are the “answers.” To continue despite the fear is a surefire sign of a writer. Here are the ten two-letter words that rearrange my tail feathers when fear knocks on the door: if it is to be, it is up to me.

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  3. Pingback: Week In Review: November 4th, 2023 – WRITING TIPS & WRITERLY MUSINGS

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